Rain & Tears

The rain has been a constant presence today. It has pattered, and hissed, and roared, and blanketed, and it still whispers even as I write. For some reason, rainy days make it easier to walk memory’s halls and see my own history more clearly. Perhaps the rain is part of our King’s “washing of regeneration” by His word. Do you ever wonder how creation responds to its maker’s voice? I think of the rain, the bolts of lightning, and the blasts of thunder as just that, creation’s response to its maker.

Rain makes me think of life, of renewal, and ultimately of regeneration. Today, I have been working through some hard things. This letter is about heartbreak, about grief, and ultimately about living in the choice of joy.

Today, I had the distinct privilege of spending some time with a dear friend. We visited for a little while, but eventually (as so many conversations between people of our generation do) the topic moved into dating. The short version is that I fell pretty hard for a girl who wasn’t really interested in me. Really, the circumstances are irrelevant. The point is that it hurt, and hurt is an emotion that no one wants to face. I’m not talking about the sting of an all-too-honest joke, I’m talking about the kind of hurt that wrenches in your chest and is too big for tears. The thing I really want to share is that standing in that hurt is not the end of the line.

Have you ever wondered what you are worth? Have you ever thought, “it’s only me, why would anyone care?” Yeah…me too. And then I begin to read the letter, the most glorious love letter ever written. It was written not with ink on paper, but with the radiant stars in the expanse, with wash of waves on sand, with the fall of each unique piece of snow. But His love letter, it doesn’t only span creation, it spans time itself.

So often, standing in the pain of emotional rejection leads us into lies. We begin to ask questions like the one above…”what am I worth?”…”who really cares?”… and we begin to be “futile in our thinking, and exchange the Truth of God for a lie.” This is so dangerous! We are called to stand firm, and occasionally that means to stand firm in the midst of pain. Our Lord doesn’t ask to do anything that he has not already done. Hebrews 4 says that he sympathizes with us. His best friends not only left him when he needed them most, but they rejected even being associated with him. I have known heartbreak, but I have never had someone I loved deny knowing me. Our king knows, and he still calls us to obedience and to confidence and to joy.

As I sit and write, I still feel the ache of rejection. I feel the wrench inside my chest as I think about all the things that might have gone differently, but I am not defined by those feelings. In the midst of pain and grief and tears, I can smile. I smile because I am loved to a degree that I will probably never understand. In the midst of rejection, I smile because I have been accepted to the extent that I cannot fail. In the midst of tears, I can laugh because there is joy that I cannot explain or repress.

My friends, smile. Smile because the almighty King of everything chose you. Smile because we serve a King who understands this pain and still asked forgiveness for those who betrayed him. Smile because in this pain, you will be comforted.

Don’t ask rhetorical questions looking for more rejection. Follow Christ’s example, weep with those who love you. Stand in the emotion and allow your master to take it from you. “And though the sorrow may last through the night, His joy comes with the morning.”

Tears are often like the rain, they wash, and water, and encourage growth. It’s ok to cry and to feel hurt. Just remember that you are wanted and that you have been chosen!

As a final thought, Matthew chapter 5 is a great place to be reminded of our identity.  I love you and continue to lift you up before our King!

 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. –Rom 15:13